What Is Your Love Language?

Do you know what the 5 Love Languages are and how this concept can solve a lot of relationship problems?

When two individuals in a relationship speak two vastly different Love Languages, their relationship can get lost in translation. Some couples can benefit from learning to interpret each other’s words and actions because they aren’t automatically on the same page. Relationship compatibility isn’t just about enjoying similar hobbies and liking the same foods — it’s about connecting on a deep emotional level and understanding one another’s needs and desires. Learning to speak each other’s Love Language is an important first step toward establishing true compatibility with another person. This is not just limited to romantic relationships either. Learning the Love Language of co-workers, colleagues, friends, and relatives can also help strengthen your relationship with those individuals.

It is incredibly important to be able to understand what really matters to people, and relate back to them in a way that makes sense.

The 5 Love Languages

The 5 Love Languages was created by relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts in 1992. The book outlines five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls “love languages.” The key, according to Chapman, is discovering which love language you and the other person you are looking to improve your relationship with, which one you each respond to the most, then regularly putting what you have learned into practice on a consistent basis.

5 Love Languages Defined

Gifts:

This love language might seem materialistic, but you don’t have to drop hundreds of dollars if this is your partner’s love language. It could be one flower or a favorite chocolate or dessert. A gift says, “my partner was thinking about me.” Gifts could be tangible or intangible items that make you feel appreciated or noticed. Going to your partner’s favorite concert, for example, is as much of a gift as flowers or that new wine decanter you want. 

To individuals who favor this love language, the absence of everyday gestures that show you remember them or a missed special occasions can be particularly harmful.

Quality Time:

This means giving your partner your undivided attention! Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV and cell phones off – talking AND listening. Put phones aside, turn all noise off, and just be with each other. 

Try your hardest not to flake on a date or check your phone when you’re together, because this can be hurtful to a quality time person.

Acts of Service:

Doing something for your spouse that you know they would like. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service. Another part of acts of service is not doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.

On the flip side, the way to disappoint a partner who appreciates act of service is through inaction. Either being too lazy or too disengaged to notice that you are making a mess or taking away your partner’s free time by the extra work you create.  

If you are someone who leaves a mess behind, sometimes this hurts your partner, because it increases your partner’s workload.

Physical Touch: 

Physical expressions of love, whether sexual or cuddling are important! These include: holding hands, a back massage, a hug, making out, sexual connection, or dancing. 

The absence of physical touch can leave some individuals feeling isolated in a relationship. This one can sometimes be seen as particularly important in monogamous relationships where one partner has no other choice for physical connection. 

Words of Affirmation:

These are verbal expressions of care and affection. “Thanks for putting the kids to bed” or “you looked really nice today.” Other examples include: writing a poem, or sending your partner a song that reminds you of them and telling them to listen to the lyrics.

Also consider telling your partner what you love about them, and writing a list of their greatest characteristics. 

Insults can be particularly upsetting to people who favor words of affirmation.

How Do I Know My Love Languages?

To learn which love language best represents you, head to the 5 love languages website and take their quiz. Then, you will get scored from 1 to 12 on all five love languages. You and another person can consider taking this quiz together, then you both know how to best communicate and act to support each other’s needs.

The area you score highest on is your primary language, while the lower scores are languages that you use less often and have less of an emotional affect on you.

Keep this in mind. This is not a fix-all. Love languages can’t fix everything in all relationships, of course. That is not the promise here. However, the concept does go a long way in helping each other in aiding the act of communicating better, and having another strategy to enhance and strengthen those communications with those we associate with, and perhaps even love.

To The Nurse

To the nurse who was fired for wearing their own mask.

To the nurse who has been told they’ll be written up for not adhering to hospital policy.

To the nurse who has been told they can trust policy because it’s based on, “CDC guidelines.”

To the nurse who has worked 4, 5, 6, 7 consecutive, 12 hour shifts.

To the nurse who is supposed to get married soon.

To the nurse who has a spouse also on the front lines.

To the nurse who was verbally assaulted on their way to work.

To the nurse who was physically assaulted by a patient when they got there.

To the nurse who hasn’t hugged or kissed their family in weeks.

To the nurse who has no childcare but must report to work.

To the nurse who is pregnant and feels guilty for not accepting COVID cases.

To the nurse who is immunocompromised, but can’t help but feel like she’s failing her coworkers.

To the nurse who watches some people on the outside defy social distancing recommendations.

To the nurse who now has skin breakdown from prolonged mask-use.

To the nurse who just graduated and is in their first year of nursing.

To the nurse who has been denied COVID- testing.

To the nurse who is a single parent and has had to send their kid away to live with relatives.

To the nurse who only sheds tears in the shower so that it can drain with the water.

To the nurse who has had no food or drink their entire shift.

To the nurse who is diabetic and now their glucose is low.

To the nurse who is skilled in operating the ventilators.

To the nurse who wonders what was the point of all those ethics papers back in nursing school.

To the nurse being bombarded by the media to make statements about their experience.

To the nurse who works on a unit that does not have pulse ox cords in some of the rooms.

To the nurse who was told they no longer need an N95, “per the CDC.”

To the nurse who filled out their Advance Directive- Medical POA after a tough shift.

To the nurse who must find their voice and now use their patient advocacy skills, for themselves.

To the nurse on the floor who has been cancelled for the 3rd time, displaced, or redeployed.

To the nurse who knows deep down this is not just droplet + contact.

To the nurse who’s 25-year old abdominal pain patient was found to have ground-glass opacities on the CT.

To the nurse who realizes none of the team wore PPE, since abdominal pain was not part of the criteria.

To the nurse who is hiding their pre-existing condition for fear of retaliation, or coming up short for their coworkers.

To the nurse who was just handed their one mask and plastic bag for the day, for the week.

To the nurse who has been living out of a motel to avoid infecting their family.

To the nurse who is running out of sick leave and PTO.

To the nurse who found out their patient was COVID (+) via word of mouth, through the grape vine.

To the nurse who didn’t pack lunch today because their work schedule does not permit time to buy groceries.

To the nurse who stayed up last night sewing together pieces of fabric so that they’d have a mask.

To the nurse who wonders when that mysterious tent that was put up outside will be put into use.

To the nurse in charge who has received 3 CPRs, a stroke, and a trauma, back to back.

To the nurse who searches anxiously for a new mask; they’re locked up now.

To the nurse who is thinking about putting in their resignation.

To the nurse who wonders well what about the ANA Code of Ethics, you know, provisions 5 and 6?

To the nurse who has arrived at a shift with 8 call outs.

To the nurse who catches a glimpse of the freezer truck parked out back that is being used as morgue overflow.

To the nurse who stands alone in their PPE next to their intubated patient, as they silently have an anxiety attack.

To the nurse who just gave themselves a Cardi-B pep-talk so they can get back out there.

To the nurse who has been told to cohort the cancer patient with the suspected COVID patient, because there’s just no more space.

To the nurse who was told they signed up for this.

To the nurse who is active in the union and spends off days writing up Demands and Calls to Action.

To the nurse who just performed the last round of CPR on their 30-year old patient.

To the nurse who stepped outside to catch their breath but instead ended up pulling an unconscious man out of a car.

To the nurse who is on a travel assignment and nowhere close to their loved ones.

To the nurse who just risked their job by sounding the alarm and exposing their hospital.

To the nurse who knows there are no more ventilators left and their patient will die by morning.

To the nurse who just received a lab call notifying them that their COVID patient’s blood work has hemolyzed.

To the nurse who has been made to feel like their life does not matter.

To the nurse who realizes the public did not truly know what nurses, “do,” until now.

To the nurse who is being reassured by leadership shift after shift that PPE stockpiles exist… somewhere.

To the nurse who woke up to a text message that another one of their coworkers has died.

To the nurse who can feel their spirit breaking.

To the nurse who is not being offered mental health support.

To the nurse rushing to don their PPE as their patient de-sats.

To the nurse being told by higher ups during huddle to abandon all they’ve ever known to be true about appropriate infection control and safety precautions.

To the nurse who muttered under their breath, “yea, but I bet you wouldn’t go in there without an N95.”

To the nurse who just wrapped themselves in a trash bag before entering the room.

To the nurse who was abandoned by the same system they dedicated their life to.

To the nurse who woke up in the middle of the night with a fever and cough.

To the nurse who has tested positive for COVID-19.

To the nurse who can no longer breathe on their own.

To the nurse who has been admitted to the ICU.

To the nurse who was just intubated by their own colleague.

To the nurse who did chest compressions on this nurse with tears streaming down their face.

To the nurse who backs away for the last time, as time of death is called.

To the nurse who has been referred to as, “just a nurse.”

To the nurse who wonders if this is how they treat, “heroes.”

Every day, we write our names and the date on our face masks and eye shields. Every day, we show up stronger, more capable, and braver than the day before. Not just for our patients, but for one another.

My name is Aída. I am an ER nurse.
To the nurses all around the world, I feel you.
I share your pain. I have your back.
I WILL show up for YOU.
You are me. I am you. We are each other.
Let’s show them our truth.

This is, the Year of the Nurse.
Never again will you be, “just a nurse.”🩺🏥💉

Opinions expressed are solely my own and do not express the views or opinions of my employer.

(Photo side memo: Here, the elastic bands of my N95 are not secured yet. Typically, I don’t do this until right before entering a patient’s room since they can be uncomfortable, then double gloving as appropriate.
So before I get crucified 🙈)

By: Aida Kranzburg, MSN – Washington DC

This Is It

This is it! The sign you have been looking for. The confirmation you needed to take that next step to transformation, of moving forward based on the the transitions you have experienced, have been experiencing or are about to experience. This is it. The support you have been looking for, or never knew you needed. This is it. The time to harness your inner strength and begin your transformation to your life – A life worth living!!